Off on my own


As I stepped off the plane my heart leapt out of my chest with excitement. I was finally back home, my home away from Florida and away from my family, in D.C. I had been going to D.C every summer for NSLC; a camp where I felt that I could truly express myself and was comfortable with these complete strangers who soon became my family.


As I walked down the terminal all the signs brought back memories of walking through the memorials in awe and staring out at the green and brown Platomic and watching the rays from the sun change the highly polluted water into a master piece. When I arrived at the baggage claim I saw her, the girl who would take my heart and change everything about me. She was tall with long red hair and curves like an hourglass, she was beautiful and when I was around her I felt beautiful. The person she turned me into was a person I could respect and look in the mirror, a person I had not been in a number of years. She introduced herself and I rambled and mumbled minor mentions of who I am while trying to think of something funny to say, but nothing came, she had rendered me speechless.


The camp was two weeks long and a couple days into it I knew that she was the one that I wanted to be with, she made me laugh and smile and ponder things that I had never thought of before, like whether I was leading the right life. One day as we walked through the hall she asked what days I had free period, I could tell what she was thinking but I didn't want to jump the gun, so I told her and she said in an excited voice like a four year old girl who just gotten her first doll, "Me too, so do you want to hang out while all the other groups are in T.A.?" My answer was obvious by the stupid grin I had on my face but trying to act cool and a little disinterested I said, "Sure sounds like fun." 


The day came and I met her in the lobby and she took my hand and said, "I found the most gorgeous garden in the middle of campus. Come on let's go." I followed with the same stupid grin on my face. We walked in to what looked like the Garden of Eden with tulips, roses, tall trees, and topiary bushes. We found a bench and talked for what seemed like days letting out some of our most trusted secrets and stories and then mid sentence I stopped and said, "I'm sorry I just have to," and leaned in for a kiss. The second that our lips touch my world started to spin and it felt like the bench was soaring through the clouds, it seemed to last forever but also no time at all. When the moment ended she smile and said, "What took you so long?" I laughed and stared into her I eyes I had fallen deeply in a consuming pit of love. Like quicksand the harder I fought to convince myself I wasn't the more consumed by her I became.


As the camp went on our love grew and grew like an oak tree, it soon towered over all the trees and was the most solid tree in the forrest that is our lives. We watched the sunset over the water from the Jefferson memorial and walked through the mall hand in hand talking about nothing and everything as we watched the squirrels play tag. She was truly amazing, but sadly everyday seemed to get faster until that inevitable day came, the day we had to leave. We sat on the same bench all morning as I tried not to think about the fact that in a few hours I would be thousands of miles away from the girl would now held my heart. My bus was scheduled to leave first, which was a blessing and a curse at the same. I wouldn't have to spend time at camp without her, but I would also have to go through telling her it wasn't goodbye forever - in my heart I hoped it wasn't.

I went upstairs, packed my things and checked out as quickly as possible so that I could spend as much time with her before I left as possible. We sat on the bench and waited for my bus to come and take me away from the only truly love I had ever found. When the bus pulled up I had to struggle to let go of her hand and end what appeared to be our finally kiss for maybe years. I eventually was able to let go and get on the bus. After that everything was a blur until I was on the plane. I shoved my ear buds in my head to attempt to drown out the sorrow. The song Plane by Jason Mraz came on and all I could think of is that if I was to die that very moment I would die happy because I now knew the wonders of love. "If the plane goes down, damn, I remember where the love was found. If the plane goes down."


Sadly that finally goodbye was goodbye forever. The distance proved too much for us and we ended our relationship after two and half years, she could not agree with many of ambitions and hated most of my habits. Until one cold windy night I broke down and went for a walk by the water. While I walked with my head hung like a puppy who had just been scolded for peeing on the families imported Persian rug I told her that she will always hold my heart and then I offered back hers. This way she could go and give it to a man who deserves it and is better grounded than me, a work in progress. After hours of arguing and trying to be optimistic she realized the truth and she took it back. I have no idea who holds her heart now, but I still know who holds mine, the beautiful redhead who brought out the best in me. I will always be caught in the quicksand of our love as I stare at the tall oak tree we built up in our two week summer camp.

narrative